I Want Your Entire Ego-Machine To Collapse
ADI DA SAMRAJ: Spiritual life is a crisis. Therefore, Spiritual life involves discomfort at times. Such discomfort does not mean that Spiritual life is failing, or that you are not good enough for it. Crisis and discomfort must occur. The crisis (or turnabout) is what Spiritual life is all about. It is supposed to occur.
You are supposed to suffer purifying events.
You are supposed to encounter resistance in yourself.
You are supposed to discover all kinds of garbage in yourself.
So why should there be any special resistance to it when it occurs? There may be discomfort, and you may wish you did not have to go through it. But apart from that, there is no reason why you should be overwhelmed or completely disenchanted by the fact that you are experiencing a period of intense conflict, crisis, suffering, and disturbance.
The more time you waste identifying with all of that, the less sensitive you become to the event itself. Therefore, Satsang with Me, devotion to Me, and a loving and intelligent approach to all of life should be intensified in the periods of apparent discomfort.
These apparently disturbing episodes of crisis
in the Real process of Spiritual life,
are very intelligent, very meaningful.
They have a great deal to show you.
The more capable you are of passing through these times, the more useful they become.
Once you have begun to mature in the process, then, when such an event of crisis arises, there is something already familiar about it. You know the signs, you know what is about to occur, you know the kinds of reactions that will tend to build up.
You know that, instead of clenching your teeth and resisting the crisis, you should find some more work to do during that time.
Instead of planning a vacation or a binge when you see a crisis coming, you cancel all forms of entertainment or ordinary distraction, everything that you would normally use to distract yourself from your usual state. You plan a great deal of work for the coming days. You plan an ordinary, functional life.
You must know that everything I am doing is a means to bring about this crisis. I desire this crisis in you.
I do not want it not to happen.
I do not want to console you.
I do not want you to be contented in your unconsciousness.
I want you to become sensitive to your actual state.
I want you to know very well what you are always up to.
I want you to become capable of observing yourself under all kinds of conditions.
I want you to notice the machine of your ordinary activity.
And I want that entire ego-machine to collapse. I want it to come to an end. I want the “death” of all of that.
If that “death” does not occur, there will be no release, no Realization. There will just be the self-generation of the unconscious event of life and death, the continual round that is already distracting you.
I am here to Reveal and to Give the various means necessary to serve this crisis—because to serve this crisis is to serve most fundamental self-understanding in My devotee, and (ultimately) to serve the True and Absolute Joy That characterizes the Realization of most perfect “radical” self-understanding.
Therefore, every instant in Satsang with Me is working to bring about this crisis.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
From “Method of the Siddhas“
Chapter 8 — Meditation and Satsang