Your Life Must Become Like a Mirage Around You
from Garbage and the Goddess, Chapter 5
by Bubba Free John (Adi Da Samraj)
DEVOTEE: Could you talk about sacrifice being enjoyment?
BUBBA: Sure. You read about sacrifice in the New Testament and other books like that. Everybody talks about sacrifice and loving one another, and it is all so humorless. As soon as you set about trying to love everybody, you become a humorless asshole. As soon as you start to make sacrifices, you become a priest. You are not really sacrificing. You are only ritually duplicating the law of things. But sacrifice or love is what is already occurring. It is the nature of life. No special action needs to be added to your life to make it sacrifice. You have to become sensitive simply to what your life already is. Then, spontaneously, you will live the law, and you will love. Love is the nature of sacrifice, not putting your coat in the water so that somebody can step on it. Love is living without obstruction, without contraction, without the demand for attention, without creating your perimeter. That doesn’t come about by doing all kinds of things to yourself. It is a Grace. It is Satsang. It is the life of understanding. Loving is also pleasurable. There is no doubt about it. Ecstasy is selflessness.
Happiness is already sacrifice.
There are lots of apparently unfortunate things that can occur that are also sacrifice, because all things are sacrifice. The religious person tends to say, “Sacrifice is doing these things I do not like to do. If I do not enjoy all those things that I like, that will also be sacrifice.” But sacrifice is the nature of all of that, including the pleasurable and the apparently unpleasurable. All of that is sacrifice, the yielding of self, the yielding of the drama of Narcissus. Sacrifice is one with the pleasurable state of God-realization, of true Self-realization. It is an intense pleasure to be without self, to be without that demand, to be without that contraction. Instead of contraction, there is openness. Well, that is sacrifice, and it is pleasurable.
Holding back is not pleasurable at all. There is no flow to it. It is filled with uncomfortable sensations, with ambiguity, mystery, unconsciousness, and pain. When release occurs, it is pleasurable. You cannot perform it ritually or willfully, but in the life of understanding it becomes your natural state, the quality of your presence in the world. Wherever there is the release of self, there is pleasure and sacrifice. Wherever there is the attempt to be released from self, there is no sacrifice and usually no pleasure, because the self is the principle of such a motivation. People who are trying to be spiritual and religious get the idea that sacrifice is a very solemn affair. They think they have got to get very seriously involved in getting rid of the ego. But before the ego will go, you must become profoundly humorous and have no concerns whatsoever for your liberation, whatever that could possible be.
People think of their liberation as an event in time, and they think of sacrifice as an event in time, something you do mechanically and outwardly. But it is timeless, eternal, prior realization. just as God is prior to all things, God-realization is prior to all things. It is not the result of anything, and neither is sacrifice or love.
It is absolutely impossible to believe that there is only God, to assume it, to think it, to gather it. You have nothing to resort to other than that Real life which is Satsang. You must stop meditating on your bullshit. Night and day you meditate on the same old shit, you go through the same round of up and down, that same old stupidity. You talk about the same old shit, manifest the same old nothing, so that there is no life, no fullness, no juice, and no God. How could you possibly find God by meditating on your mind? You will find only your mind.
It is not really mysterious that by becoming a philosopher you never become a devotee. All you do as a philosopher is meditate on your mind, on modifications, concepts, stuff, little subtle crunches in the level of energy that we call the mind. There is no God to be found in such a process. God is prior to that. Only the understanding of that process is useful. Everything else is a modification of it, and everybody is clinging to and meditating upon all kinds of modifications — including such things as were very dramatically given to you for your consideration during these last several weeks. All those experiences and phenomena, everything from high winds and coronas around the sun to swooning ecstasies, kriyas, and visions, were a test. None of it has any significance whatsoever. But it was an intense fascination for you. It was something that you bought. You held on to it.
In the moment when such a forceful event is pressed upon you, you feel good, blissful. It releases you for the moment from your previous dismal meditation. But a moment later you are meditating on that, and it becomes just as dismal, just as confining. It requires this same reaction, the same contraction of you, because you haven’t changed the principle of your life. You haven’t understood. What was given during that whole time was principally a demand, not a display. It was a demand for this Satsang, a demand that you live as a devotee and cease to be concerned or fascinated with anything whatsoever. Dwell in Satsang, be happy, and allow all these things to arise as they will.
But instead of that happening, all these endless factions developed according to which fascination people were buying. Factions in the Ashram got together because people were fascinated with a particular aspect of what was arising, and experience again became the ground for cultic life.
Gradually these fascinations were taken away again, and the same demand is still being made. There is a lesson to be learned from all that. Now is when all of those experiences serve you, now that they are over. There are similar things happening here every day, but that peculiarly dramatic time is done. And now it can be useful to you, because you see how you lived it. Each one of you should be able to see very vividly the life of Narcissus in your own case, how he ritually appears in the form of your own consciousness and action. You must see it, and that is why all that was done. It is not significant for such phenomena to arise every day. It does not serve, because it is just stuff. Consciousness is the demand, and that has nothing whatever to do with the things that arise.
In time you will be happy that nothing arises. In fact, the traditions are talking about that very happiness wherein nothing arises. When the mind is finally quiet and the body is finally quiet, when nothing occurs any more, no more visions, when nothing grabs you any more, you simply dwell in the absolute intuition of God. These things arise just to serve that intuition. God is as present at this moment as he is ever going to be. He was also as present in those moments as he will ever be. In those moments there was just different theatre than at this moment. You are now capable of the same happiness, the same blissfulness, the same easiness, the same love, the same ecstasy, the same energy, the same humor that you enjoyed in your best moments during those several weeks. You are capable of that all the time, without cause. It only requires that you live this Satsang with great intensity, with perfect attention, and cease to be concerned for all the things that arise by tendency in your case, all the things that are awakened under the force of this Siddhi.
It means that your life must become like a mirage around you. Your thoughts and inclinations, your tendencies and desires, your conditions, dispositions, things you own, things you look forward to, everything must become images, flashing at night. They must become no more important than the remnants of a dream that you sort of playfully allow to occur when you are waking up in the morning. just before getting out of bed you can know very well that you are able to wake up in this moment, that you already are awake, but you may decide to hang in there and watch the dream and see how it is going to come out. Ultimately, you should have the same relationship to all these things that arise, everything from a kriya to a cold in the head. It is just something arising. These things have no significance in the midst of that perfect intuition of God which is Satsang.
When that intuition has become intense, when your life as a devotee is real, then you will also be bringing that same quality to life, you will become responsible for living God in the world. You will no longer spend your time going through your ups and downs, your psychological crises, and your numbers. Now you are willing to indulge it because you think it does not amount to much. But every instant you indulge it, every moment of concern, of unhappiness and doubt and mediocrity, is turning away. Every moment of self-obsession is turning away. You must begin to see your own action and understand, and so live in Satsang more perfectly.
Understanding is simply the quality or intensity of your availability for Satsang. In every moment of understanding there is the obviation of contraction and the dwelling in Divine Communion. Gradually you will become more sensitive. Now you are only sensitive to effects, changes, conditions, and qualities. So the theatre, like that which occurred during these many recent weeks, is impressive. It seems to represent a special communication of God, a special entrance of God into human life. But in fact God is eternally Present and absolutely Present. That Divine Nature which is also your very Self must be known, and it is not known through the agency of any experience.
The perfect activity of the Divine, of the Guru, is mere presence. Fundamentally, apart from all the theatre that the Guru creates in order to impress people, to shake them up and bring them along, he is doing one thing. He is simply being present. That perfect communication is always given by the Guru, but people will not receive it. They want media, effects, and changes. So at times they are given this. These many weeks have been a time in which you were given all the possible kinds of things that are impressive, not so that you can have them, but so that you will understand something about your demand for them and be free of it. I want you to become available to that perfect Siddhi, that perfect communication which is constant, which requires no theatre to be communicated or to be known.
When that communication is received and enjoyed, when there are real devotees, then there can be all kinds of theatre. Why not? That is no time to retire to the cave and sit in silence. That is the time to celebrate, to be happy, to live, to generate that love and ecstasy that free men should share. I have said before that one of the best things that occurred during these last many weeks were the parties that I have had at my house. They were fundamentally a free and happy enjoyment. All the other things were impressive. And you were being impressed. I can’t take any more parties for awhile. But it is possible to celebrate without smoking and drinking, and I hope you will discover the secret of that during this time.