Getting To Cry Is Shaped Like A Seahorse
An early experience of Adi Da Samraj, while attending Stanford University,
from His Autobiography, The Knee of Listening
It began at the base of my spine — and when It appeared in the heart, It generated a intense emotion that was overwhelmingly loving and full and yet intensely sorrowful. It rose from the heart through the throat, up the back of the head, and through the internal centers of the head, and culminated in what appeared to be a massive dome in the crown of the head. At that point, I began to weep uncontrollably, as if all the parts of my being had been aroused spontaneously — and I was born, suddenly conscious and alive. In the midst of this experience, I had a thought that was the verbal equivalent and symbol for the entire Event: “Getting to cry is shaped like a seahorse.”
I had become conscious of the formal structure of the living human being, associated with (but not exclusively identical to) the nervous system, but (even more than that) what is, in Asian Indian literature (and, in turn, in Western occult literature), called the “chakra body”. The Kundalini Shakti was spontaneously Aroused in me, as It had been in times past. It was the Awakening as if from a stupor or sleep, of the latent “serpent” of Energy that is (otherwise) habitually turned outward to the various physical organs and the centers of vital experience. Thus, the Kundalini Shakti was opened inwardly and upwardly, and the humanly-born conscious awareness was turned to its own internal form. The “seahorse” is that shape, with its various vital and etheric attachments, which moves upward from the base of the spine through the massive centers of the heart and the head. The result in me of the profound Awakening was an uncontrollable emotion, even the sorrow of conscious birth.
In later years, I chanced to see some photographs taken (inside the human womb) at various stages in the development of a human fetus. At an early stage, the developing human body is mostly unformed — and its central axis, analogous to the full spine, is curved. The heart appears visibly as its vital center. It is massive, full of blood — and it stands out from the body, as a separate orb attached to the spinal tube by a cord. The head is also quite large. Its full weight and size are generated in the crown and forehead, and the facial features (like the limbs) remain undeveloped. In the Event I have described, I was not only experiencing the most subtle and profound Energy-body, the most internal structure of all Spiritual consciousness — but I was also re-experiencing my own prenatal state, even at the early stage of physical development shown in the photographs I saw years after the Event Itself. I was re-experiencing my birth as a living being in the womb — and, therefore, the Awakening was not only profound but also quite shocking and sorrowful.
This very form, this Spirit-conducting structure (in and beyond the physical body), was the structure basic to What I, as a child, experienced and “Knew” as the “Bright”. And it was also this chakra body that I would later investigate in detail in the practice of Kundalini Shakti Yoga in America and India.
—The Knee of Listening, Chapter 4, “The Seeker”, pages 83-84
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