All these expressions you have used have the same form. As far as Truth goes, there is nothing to be said. There is no verbal communication that is the exact equivalent of Truth Itself. All of the descriptions you might give of the unique form of your adventure have the same form, the same structure. Indeed, your questions are a strategy whereby you prevent the Realization of Truth. Your concerns are a means to avoid self-understanding.
Truth always appears to the seeker as a kind of alternative. But Truth is not an alternative. Truth is the Very Consciousness, the Very Nature, the Very Condition of all-and-All. Truth cannot be concentrated upon. Truth is not an object. Truth is not something you can become interested in. Truth is not something you can be distracted from. Your interests, your distractions, your noticings, your experiencings-all are expressions (or modifications) of Reality Itself. But you are not living them as such. Therefore, you are constantly obsessed with alternatives, with particular distractions, noticings, and experiencings. Alternatives are all that you have.
When you no longer have any alternatives, when the search has died, then Truth becomes your Real possibility. But Truth is not an alternative. It is not in the form of a specific answer to a specific question. It is not something perceived. It is not something that serves you, as the (actively presumed) limited and separate subject. It is not something that Liberates you, as an apparently separate person. It has nothing to do with you, as a presumed separate “one”. It cannot be Realized by you as a presumed separate “one”. Truth is Known only in the Realization of Non separateness, in Most Perfect Self-Identification with Truth Itself.
But all of these are forms of experience, of conditionality. They may be sublime, but they appear only as alternatives to other, more “ordinary” experiences. No experience, in and of itself, is Truth. And no experience, in and of itself, is the sign of Truth, the “symptom” (or the necessary accompaniment) of Truth.
Truth Is That Which Stands Out As Reality when there is “radical” understanding of the entire process of experience, when there is the absolute vanishing of identification with alternatives (or the entire self-contracted scheme of seeking). Therefore, Truth involves the “radical” understanding even of that which is extraordinary. Until such understanding is the case, all events in life whether ordinary or extraordinary – are merely the objects of egoic fascination.
It is the memory of experiences – the persistent bondage to your own patterns that result from experience-that generates the goals of seeking. Experiential impressions (in the form of tendencies) continue to fascinate people and reinforce their obsession with the notion that life is made of alternatives, such that the usual individual is doing nothing but continually playing this drama of alternatives. One day, a person is going toward the “experience” of Truth – another day, toward experience itself (usually of a very “human” variety). One day, a person is pursuing samadhi the next day, the very same person is a devotee of sexual fascination. But it is always the same egoic adventure.
What appeared (in the past) to be the great moments of your life did not become wisdom. All you are left with are the modifications that reflect those moments. Truth does not appear in the form of a drama of experiences and alternatives. Truth can only appear when that entire array of experiences and alternatives the entire adventure, the entire force of ordinary and extraordinary experience, the entire drama of seeking-begins to wind down, when it ceases to occupy you mightily, and you are stuck with your actual condition, your suffering.
The Real Spiritual process in My Avataric Divine Company takes place only when there is this crisis in consciousness. It does not take place in the context of your adventure of seeking. The Real Spiritual process in My Avataric Divine Company takes place only when you understand and transcend the root-activity of self contraction that motivates your entire adventure. Such “radical” self-understanding becomes possible for you only in Satsang with Me, when you truly heart-recognize Me and heart-respond to Me-and only when the force of your ordinary and extraordinary adventure has begun to die.
–Adi Da Samraj, from Chapter 12 of My Bright Word, 2005
–Complete book can be found on Google Books. Click on title above.