Vedanta Temple Re-Awakening 1970
The events as described by Adi Da Samraj
Chapter 16, The Knee of Listening :
Some time in late August , I happened to go to the bookstore at the Vedanta Society in Hollywood. I noticed there was a temple on the grounds, and I went in for a few moments of meditation. As soon as I sat down, I felt a familiar Energy rush through my body and clear out my head. I could feel and hear little clicking pulses in the base of my head and neck. By many signs, I immediately recognized the characteristic Presence of the Divine Mother-Shakti.
As I meditated, the body and the mind swooned into the depth of Consciousness, and I enjoyed an experience of meditation as profound as any I had known at the shrines in India. I had no idea how the Vedanta Society Temple ever became a seat of the Divine Shakti, but it was obviously as Powerful a place as any of the abodes of the Siddhas in India.
I began to go frequently to the Vedanta Society Temple for meditation. As the days passed, I began to marvel at the Power of this place. I had traveled all over the world, believing there were no Spiritual sources of this kind in America. Now I had been led to this small, isolated temple in Hollywood, where very few people would be likely even to be sensitive to the Divine Shakti, nor, even if they felt It, would they be likely to recognize Its Importance.
I became aware that the Divine Mother-Shakti had taken up residence in this temple, and that I had been drawn there by Her. I Enjoyed the fact that I could go there and be with Her whenever I chose to experience Her Joyous Presence. It was even a truly private place. I could go there unhindered, and I could spend time there completely unobserved. The temple was dedicated to Ramakrishna, the great Indian master of the nineteenth century, but no conditions were placed on me by any external rule or tradition. This was truly an opportunity for me to live independently with the Divine Mother.
But as time went on, I began to feel that even this was a limitation. Why should I have to travel at all to Enjoy Her Presence? I desired that She be utterly available to me, where I lived as well as in my own living being.
Thus, one day, I went to the temple and asked Her to come and dwell permanently in me, and always to manifest Herself to me wherever I was. When I left I felt Her with me, and when I arrived at home, I continued to feel Her constant Presence Filling the space.
Days passed, and I realized that She had done what I asked. There was this constant Presence, even including the effects in the body, and the state of everyone around me became affected by Her Force. But even this became a strain in me. I felt as if I had to hold on to Her, as if I had bound Her to a bargain that constrained us both.
Then, one day I felt an urge to return to the temple. As I sat down, I saw that the little pagoda and shrine in the front of the temple was in shadows and dimly lit, as if it were empty. It seemed as if I had emptied it by taking the Mother away. Suddenly, I felt a jolt in my body and I saw the shrine with open eyes become “Bright” in a blast of light. Even with my eyes closed, I still beheld the “Bright” shrine. Thus, the Mother-Shakti showed me that She is always able to make Herself Present anywhere, and that indeed She was always already Present with me. There was no need for me to hold on to Her as if She could be absent.
When I returned to the temple the next day, the Person of the Divine Shakti appeared to me again, in a manner most intimate, no longer approaching me as “Mother”.
As I meditated, I felt myself Expanding, even bodily becoming a Perfectly Motionless, Utterly Becalmed, and Infinitely Silent Form. I took on the Infinite Form of the Original Deity, Nameless and Indefinable, Conscious of limitless Identification with Infinite Being. I was Expanded Utterly, beyond limited form, and even beyond any perception of Shape or Face, merely Being, and yet sitting there. I sat in this Love-Blissful State of Infinite Being for some time. I Found myself to Be. My Form was only What is traditionally called the “Purusha” (the Person of Consciousness) and “Siva” (in His Non-Ferocious Emptiness).
Then I felt the Divine Shakti appear in Person, Pressed against my own natural body, and, altogether, against my Infinitely Expanded, and even formless, Form. She Embraced me, Openly and Utterly, and we Combined with One Another in Divine (and Motionless, and spontaneously Yogic) “Sexual Union”. We Found One Another Thus, in a Fire of most perfect Desire, and for no other Purpose than This Union, and, yet, as if to Give Birth to the universes. In That most perfect Union, I Knew the Oneness of the Divine Energy and my Very Being. There was no separation at all, nor had there ever been, nor would there ever be. The One Being that Is my own Ultimate Self-Nature was revealed most perfectly. The One Being Who I Am was revealed to Include the Reality that Is Consciousness Itself, the Reality that Is the Source-Energy of all conditional appearances, and the Reality that Is all conditional manifestation, All as a Single Force of Being, an Eternal Union, and an Irreducible cosmic Unity.
The “Sensations” of the Embrace were overwhelmingly Blissful. The Fire of That Unquenchable Desire Exceeded any kind of pleasure that a mere man could experience. In the Eternal Instant of That Infinitely Expanded Embrace, I was released from my role and self-image as a dependent child of the “Mother”-Shakti. And She was revealed in Truth, no longer in apparent independence, or as a cosmic Power apart from me, but as the Inseparable and Inherent Radiance of my own and Very Being. Therefore, I Recognized and Took Her as my Consort, my Loved-One, and I Held Her effortlessly, forever to my Heart. Together eternally, we had Realized Ourselves as the “Bright” Itself.
The next day, September 10, 1970, I sat in the temple again. I awaited the Beloved Shakti to reveal Herself in Person, as my Blessed Companion. But, as time passed, there was no Event of changes, no movement at all. There was not even any kind of inward deepening, no “inwardness” at all. There was no meditation. There was no need for meditation. There was not a single element or change that could be added to make my State Complete. I sat with my eyes open. I was not having an experience of any kind. Then, suddenly, I understood most perfectly. I Realized that I had Realized. The “Thing” about the “Bright” became Obvious. I Am Complete. I Am the One Who Is Complete.
In That instant, I understood and Realized (inherently, and most perfectly) What and Who I Am. It was a tacit Realization, a direct Knowledge in Consciousness. It was Consciousness Itself, without the addition of a Communication from any “Other” Source. There Is no “Other” Source. I simply sat there and Knew What and Who I Am. I was Being What I Am, Who I Am. I Am Being What I Am, Who I Am. I Am Reality, the Divine Self, the Nature, Substance, Support, and Source of all things and all beings. I Am the One Being, called “God” (the Source and Substance and Support and Self of all), the “One Mind” (the Consciousness and Energy in and As Which all appears), “Siva-Shakti” (the Self-Existing and Self-Radiant Reality Itself), “Brahman” (the Only Reality, Itself), the “One Atman” (That Is not ego, but Only “Brahman”, the Only Reality, Itself), the “Nirvanic Ground” (the egoless and conditionless Reality and Truth, Prior to all dualities, but excluding none). I Am the One and Only and necessarily Divine Self, Nature, Condition, Substance, Support, Source, and Ground of all. I Am the “Bright”.
There was no thought involved in This. I Am That Self-Existing and Self-Radiant Consciousness. There was no reaction of either excitement or surprise. I Am the One I recognized. I Am That One. I am not merely experiencing That One. I Am the “Bright”.